2006 The Hills Have Eyes

• Directed by: Alexandre Aja
• Written by: Alexandre Aja, Grégory Levasseur
• Stars: Aaron Stanford, Kathleen Quinlan, Vinessa Shaw, Emilie de Ravin, Dan Byrd, Robert Joy, Ted Levine
• Run Time: 1h 47m (Theatrical); 1h 48m (Unrated)
• Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mEwXRbKgWnQ

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

A family traveling through the New Mexico desert runs into a clan/family of cannibalistic mutants and misfits. This is a remake of the 1977 film by the same name, and follows the original pretty closely but set in 2006. It’s grim and gruesome and suspenseful. We both thought it was really good, a very good remake.

Spoilery Synopsis

We’re told that between 1945 and 1962, the US conducted a whole bunch of nuclear tests and have since denied that any genetic defects were caused by those tests.

We cut to some scientists checking out a radioactive fist in the New Mexico desert. A man runs out of nowhere and asks for help, but a big bald man comes out of nowhere and kills them all. Credits roll.

The gas station attendant grabs his shotgun and starts calling out for Ruby, who is nowhere to be found. He finds a bag of stolen goods on his doorstep, along with a severed ear, and screams, “I can’t do this anymore!” An RV drives up containing a big family that really doesn’t want to be there. Big Bob, Ethel, Bobby, Brenda, Lynn, and Doug are on a long road trip for their anniversary. Lynn sees the bag of loot, and suddenly the attendant recommends that the family take a “shortcut” through the desert.

The family drives over some tire spikes and crashes way out in the middle of nowhere. They all argue about whose fault this all is for a while. Bob and Doug decide they need to walk back to civilization, but first, we get to know all the characters a bit as they stop and pray. We see that someone out in the hills is watching them. The two German Shepherds know something’s up, but no one listens to them.

Beauty, the dog, runs away, and Bobby goes after her into the hills. He soon finds the dog, dead, and then falls off a cliff. Doug, on the other hand, finds a whole bunch of cars abandoned in a crater. We zoom in through the crater and see a suspicious-looking mine shaft…

Big Bob finally makes it back to the gas station, but the attendant isn’t there. Someone else is stalking around outside. He goes inside and snoops around until he finds the severed ear, then he draws his gun. He reads newspaper clippings about nuclear tests in a nearby mining town. There are photos of mutated children as well. He finds the attendant, but the man shoots himself before he can answer any questions. The people in the dark soon kidnap Bob and wheel him into the mine shaft.

Brenda, Lynn, and Ethel find Bobby and patch him up. Bobby knows there’s something bad outside, but he never really saw anything specific. Beast, the second dog, gets off his chain just about the time that Doug returns. Everyone shuts up the camper and goes to sleep.

It’s all very relaxing until someone throws Big Bob on the bonfire. As the family runs out to see Bob, two mutants, Pluto and Lizard, come into the camper, where Brenda is asleep, and do bad things to her. Ethel walks in, and they just shoot her– and Lynn.

Beast the dog is still alive and kills Goggle, one of the mutants we haven’t seen before. He brings Goggle’s arm and radio to the camper, where Doug hears the bad guys talking.

In the morning, Beast leads Doug to the mine shaft, and they go inside looking for the baby. Back at the camper, Brenda and Bobby work on setting up some booby-traps.

Doug continues on and finds one of those old atomic testing mockup towns, completely abandoned. Inside one of the houses, he hears the baby crying and goes inside, where he’s quickly captured. He gets loose and runs into a mutant with a giant head who explains what’s going on. There’s lots of hiding and fight, and Doug eventually stabs Pluto, which barely slows him down. Doug loses some fingers to Pluto’s axe. Doug eventually gets the best of the mutant and kills him.

Ruby, the girl mutant, has taken the baby, but Doug has killed all the tough mutants by this point. Lizard comes in to kill the baby, but Ruby steals it away from him as well and runs off into the hills.

Back at the camper, Bobby’s early warning system pays off. No, it was a distraction while the mutants stole Ethel and Lynn’s bodies. Bobby and the mutants’ leader, Papa Jupiter, have a chase that leads to Jupiter going boom in a gas explosion.

Doug catches up to Ruby and tries to take the baby back from her. Lizard jumps down and attacks him. This goes very badly for Doug, but he doesn’t die. Doug gets back up and finally becomes a badass, shooting Lizard repeatedly. Ruby then gives the baby back to Doug. In a final horror-movie trope, Lizard gets back up and points the shotgun at them, but Ruby tackles him, and they both go over the cliff.

Bobby and Brenda finish off Jupiter and spot Doug, Beast, and the baby walking back to them. The camera pulls back, and we see that someone’s still watching them, and they’re still stuck in the desert, only now with no camper or supplies at all…

Brian’s Commentary

This is a remake of 1977’s “The Hills Have Eyes.” It’s not a sequel, but a remake. It’s shot in a more modern style, looks much nicer, but is almost word-for-word the same story. There are a few differences in the way it all plays out, but it’s almost the same.

The mutants’ makeup effects are much better than the original, but they really should have fit in Michael Berryman in some way.

It was good. Not as nasty and gritty as the original, and much more polished. Still, it was well done.

Kevin’s Commentary

It did not have a happy ending exactly, but it was a win for the survivors, and he did rescue his baby. And then what happens next, I wondered, out in the middle of a desert with no water, no food, no transportation.

I don’t know how necessary this remake was, but it was very well done. It was a good watch.