- Directed by Adam Green, Joe Lynch, Bear McCreary
- Written by Adam Rifkin, Tim Sullivan, Adam Green
- Stars Adam Rifkin, Sarah Mutch, Ray Wise
- Run Time: 2 Hours
- Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=if_xwXWvx8c
Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone
The whole thing is layers of parody, movies within a movie that take place at a drive-in theater. It’s raunchy, gross, politically incorrect, and very funny. But in a sick kind of way, so you are warned. Oh yeah, and there are musical numbers too. It’s not a classic of cinema, but we liked it more than we disliked it.
Spoilery Synopsis
It’s an anthology. The wraparound story takes place at a drive-in.
Zom-B-Movie
Floyd digs up his dead wife’s grave in black-and-white. He decides to have sex with the corpse, who sits up and bites his bean-bag off. He’s late for work, so he pulls his pants up and walks out of the cemetery.
He limps to the Kaufman Drive-In Theater, which is featuring “Chillerama” tonight. The four films tonight are the theater’s last ones, and they’re both rare and special films. We cut from car to car as the patrons joke about how awful these movies are going to be.
Old man Kaufman is depressed by his impending forced retirement. Floyd, the guy from the cemetery, staggers in, and he’s not looking good at all. Kaufman gets on the PA and announces the first film…
Wadzilla
Dr. Weems is a urologist, and he shows Miles normal sperm— and then Miles’s own little swimmer. Weems offers a new drug to increase Miles’s sperm count. It won’t increase the number of sperms, but it will increase their strength.
The next day, at breakfast, Miles takes one of the pills. Every woman he sees that morning causes him pain. Dr. Weems gives him a very painful test. “I don’t think you’re going to need a microscope.” The tadpole-sized sperm crawls across the floor. Weems instructs Miles to stop taking the pills.
That night, Miles goes on a blind date with Louise, and it happens again. Louise calls a friend who explains the problem, and she feels sorry for Miles, who is now chasing a rat-sized sperm all over her bathroom. He clogs the toilet with it, but then it comes back up, and it’s gotten a lot bigger. It’s got big teeth, and he throws it through the window out into the yard.
The sperm wriggles its way to the nearby park, where it eats a woman’s dog– and then the woman’s head. About ten feet tall now, the sperm starts eating homeless people.
Miles and Louise see the sperm on the evening news; it’s now the size of a house, and the military is trying to figure out how to “rub it out.” As it continues to grow, they start calling it “Wadzilla.” It wants to fertilize an ovum, and only the Statue of Liberty is large enough.
The Statue of Liberty is all in on that idea, dancing and tempting the monster to impregnate her. Before it can, the army drops a giant condom over the green woman. Her torch, however, tears the condom. The army ends up bombing the thing, which splashes everyone in town with white goo.
Louise spits out a mouthful as Miles jokes, “Some first date, huh?” She leans in for a kiss, and he bends over in pain… another one?
We cut back to moviegoers in the theater. Ryan goes to the concession stand for snacks. Meanwhile, Floyd’s in the back room, bleeding blue goo. He gets the goo in the popcorn butter, which gets put on all the popcorn. It’s time for the next movie…
I Was A Teenage Werebear
Two teens have sex in a van. It’s 1962. Ricky’s father interrupts and won’t stop watching. His girlfriend, Peggy Lou starts to sing– it’s a musical! Talon pulls Ricky out of the way as a truck plows into Peggy Lou. Ricky doesn’t mind, because he’s gay, but he takes her to a gypsy woman. The old gypsy woman doesn’t like Talon.
We cut to a 1960’s beach party, with an excessive amount of male wrestling. Talon and Rick wrestle, “Give it to me, Rick!” Talon suddenly grows fangs and bites Rick in the rear. Rick sings about how he’s gotta “Purge this urge.” He talks to the coach about his urges, and the coach understands– that’s why he watches the team shower after practice. Rick’s eyes grow red and he accidentally kills the coach. He has the strength of a grizzly.
Talon explains that the bite from him made Ricky into a werebear. When Butch catches them, they all undress and fight in the locker room. Talon turns into a bear– in every sense of the word. Afterwards, there’s a big pile of bodies in the room, but Ricky denies that he’s one of them. He’s in denial and in the closet about being a werebear, oh, and about being gay, too.
Talon and Ricky sing “Love bit me on the ass,” which is quite a song. As they dance, they both turn into leather bears.
That night, it’s the big Luau dance for the high school. Talon sings another song, “Do the Wham Bam!” Suddenly, there are Bears everywhere. People lose their heads, literally.
The old gypsy woman has a silver dildo that she uses to kill the werebears with Ricky’s help.
Back at the drive-in, more people go in to buy poopcorn. Old man Kaufman pulls out a pistol and considers suicide. He puts the gun down and introduces the next film,
The Diary of Anne Frankenstein
We open on a black-and-white subtitled film, where Anne Frank, in the attic, finds her grandfather’s diary. He was said to have experimented with bad things. That’s why their family shortened their name from “Frankenstein.” Suddenly, the Nazis storm in and capture everyone. Hitler himself stumbles into the room. Hitler wants to know about the journal. He kills everyone and takes Frankenstein’s book. He gives one of the men Anne’s diary, “Write depressing stuff in this as if a teenager wrote it!”
Hitler orders parts from the grave digger, and they wheel the body parts into his office. Hitler starts to break into song, but then a bad edit cuts that out. He soon reveals his monster, who looks like a big, square-headed rabbi. The creature soon comes to life. “It’s alive!”
Hitler and Eva Braun laugh at how smart the monster, Meshugannah, is; he even got them money back on their taxes! Hitler has a hard time convincing the monster to kill. Once the monster figures out he’s Jewish, he has no trouble killing the guards. They mayhem continues so long that they all just sort of get bored with it.
Soon, it’s Hitler vs. Meshugganah as they battle through the various film sets we’ve seen. Hitler soon loses his head.
Back in the theater, the audience isn’t looking very healthy anymore. People start turning into zombies.
Mr. Kaufman introduces the next movie, “Deathication.” The director explains how it literally scares the crap out of people. We then get a montage of people pooping, painting, and dancing.
In the office, Floyd and Kaufman fight, and the old man shoots Floyd the zombie. Toby and Mayna come in and help fight the monster. Outside, the patrons have all turned into sex-crazed zombies. Ryan and Susie hide in the storeroom, but she changes into a zombie, which is the only reason she likes him. She bites him in the neck, and he becomes one as well.
Kaufman opens up his secret armory; he’s got some heavy weapons back there just for a time like this. Toby and Mayna battle their way outside to the car, but there are a lot of zombies out there. Kaufman kills many of them, each with a movie quote.
Locked in a car that won’t start, Mayne and Toby make out as the zombies surround them. The movie ends, and four guys in the audience (possibly the directors) complain about how awful the four stories were.
Stick through the credits and you’ll get to hear Hitler’s song.
Brian’s Commentary
I was shocked to see that this wasn’t a Troma film, because it’s got all the usual signs. The grainy film, the acting, and the over-the-top everything is just like their stuff.
Even considering all that, the special effects, gore, and mayhem are all well done and a lot of fun.
Each story is a parody. Wadzilla was obviously a kaiju film, Werebear was a beach-blanket musical, and Anne Frankenstein should be obvious. The Zom-B film is longer than it needs to be, but not excessively.
If you like movies that parody horror classics and tropes with lots of sex jokes, this might be right up your– um, alley.
Kevin’s Commentary
I found myself laughing more than I probably should have. Having each of the sections done in a different way made it more interesting. It’s stupid, but fun.
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