- Directed by Timur Bekmambetov
- Written by Seth Grahame-Smith
- Stars Benjamin Walker, Rufus Sewell, Dominic Cooper
- Run Time: 1 Hour, 45 Minutes
- Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmexgVvm4o8
Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone
It’s pretty cool how they work real people and real history events into a vampire story. At least loosely based on the real thing. This is full of action, and violations of the laws of physics, and was pretty entertaining even on our second viewing.
Spoilery Synopsis
It’a April 14, 1865. Abraham Lincoln, President, writes in his journal about his struggle with darkness. He leaves his entire written record of his life to his friend, Henry…
We flashback to Abe’s childhood as his black friend, Will, is abused by his owner. His whole family is against slavery, and his father gets fired because of it. The boss, Mr. Barts, is creepy.
Abe watches as Mr. Barts comes into their cabin one night, and the next day, his mother gets ill from a strange disease of the blood. She soon dies.
Nine years later, Abe still wants revenge. Abe listens as Mr. Barts talks to Adam, one of his associates, who says they “have a lot of mouths to feed.” Abe shoots Barts, but his gun jams. The second shot works just fine– except Barts isn’t human! Barts, now with huge fangs, attacks Abe, but runs off when Henry grabs him from behind.
In the morning, Henry explains that he’s a vampire hunter, and he wants to recruit Abe as one as well. They have a whole conversation about vampires being real. Abe’s weapon of choice is an ax. He teaches him that real power comes from truth not from hate. He also explains all the rules of fighting vampires. Abe practices heavily with his ax as he learns the ways of the vampire hunters.
Abe learns that vamps hate silver and mirrors. Sunlight isn’t a big deal, they can be out during the day. He learns about Vadoma and Adam, who made all the vampires. Also, most of the South is run by vampires, and they need to keep the monsters at bay. In 1837, Abe goes to Springfield to do his job. He gets a job with Joshua Speed, a storeowner and meets Mary Todd, whom he immediately likes.
It doesn’t take long before Abe encounters his first vampire, who gets the drop on Abe. Abe gets captured and tied up, but uses his ninjalike powers to kill the monster and bury it in the woods.
Joshua and Abe get invited to a ball, and Mary is there as well. She says she’s been waiting for someone with an adventurous life.
Abe soon learns that vampires are just about everywhere, so he keeps really busy. He tells Mary about his night job, and she laughs at his joke. They get really close, but Abe always remembers Henry’s warning not to have friends or ties to people.
Down South, in a big plantation, Adam and Vadoma read the news about six headless bodies being found. It must be one of Henry’s disciples.
Abe gets reacquainted with Will, who has been freeing slaves and got into trouble with the law. They quickly both wind up in jail, but Mary gets her father to help. Afterward, Abe starts giving speeches and working on being a lawyer– and maybe even politics.
Henry warns that Barts knows about Mary, and he’s likely to hurt her to get back at Abe. As they battle, Bart literally swings a horse around to his Abe. In an epic battle in a herd of wild horses, the two men demonstrate their abilities. Abe shows that his ax has more than one way to kill, and he makes Bart pay for what happened to his mother.
It’s all going well until Abe learns that Henry, too, is a vampire. He get a flashback to Henry’s origin story. He ran into Adam and his crew alone on the road and Adam himself beat Henry and turned him. Henry learned right away that it was simply impossible to kill own kind; “only the living can kill the dead.” Abe leaves Henry alone on the street, not killing him.
Abe and Mary get married. Will, Henry, Joshua, and everyone is there. Elsewhere, Adam sees Barts’s body and wants Abe’s head. They kidnap Will and insist that Abe meet them. On the way to New Orleans, he lets Joshua in on the whole vampire thing.
In New Orleans, they notice that there aren’t any slaves. Where are they? They soon learn; black folks make good eating for vamps. Abe goes in alone to save Will, and the place is crawling with vampires. He kills a bunch of them until Adam and Vadoma get the best of him. Adam explains just how old he really is. Adam actually wants to turn Abe against Henry.
It’s all looking very grim until Joshua drives in on a horse drawn carriage and breaks everyone free. Abe, Joshua, and Will make their way to the Underground Railroad, where they eventually get back up North.
Abe debates Senator Douglas, who is pro-slavery. Henry says freeing the slaves would be bad, since the slaves are all that keep the vampires at bay. Abe decided to go into politics to work on the larger issues, eventually becoming President of the United States.
Civil War breaks out, and Abe frees the slaves. Vadoma sneaks into the White House and talks to Willie, Abe’s young son. Soon after, Willie has a blood disease that Abe is very familiar with. He dies, but Mary wants Henry to bring him back from the dead. She knows all about Abe’s history against the undead.
Meanwhile, in the South, Adam pledges vampiric support to Jefferson Davis, the President of the Confederacy. Vampires are more or less unstoppable on the Gettysburg battlefield.
Abe sets up a “silver drive” to collect enough silver bullets for the army. He also opens up his case and retrieves his dusty silver ax. He, Will, and Joshua board the arms train and wait to defend it. Henry shows up to warn them that Joshua has betrayed them all; the vampires on the train.
Will is attacked and kills several vampires with silver bullets, but there are plenty more on the roof. Will and Abe work together to kill vamps. Finally, Adam himself gets into the fight, and he’s way tougher than the others. He bites Abe until Henry gets involved.
Meanwhile, Vadoma sets the bridge on fire ahead of the train. Adam looks for the silver on the train, and there isn’t any. The whole train is a trap; Joshua didn’t betray them at all.
The train goes over the bridge, and it all gets a bit ridiculous. Just a little. Until Adam dies and Henry saves Abe and Will from certain death. Will explains that the silver actually all came to the front on the Underground Railroad…
Mary spots Vadoma in the soldier’s camp and shoots her with little dead Willie’s silver toy. The soldiers use the silver to defeat the vampire army.
We cut to some time later, when Abe gives a speech; the war is over. The vampires have all fled America. Henry suggests how much Abe could do with limitless time, but has to leave for the theater and hands his book over to Henry. “Vampires aren’t the only things that live forever,” Abe tells Henry.
We cut to the present, where Henry is still recruiting vampire hunters in the modern day…
Brian’s Commentary
The whole concept is a joke, but the movie is mostly played seriously– except for the over-the-top superhero antics of Abe. The vampires, with their huge CGI fangs, look fairly cool. The very juicy slow-motion battles are a lot of fun too, but aren’t even remotely believable.
This is more of a superhero film than a horror movie, but it’s still fun!
Kevin’s Commentary
It’s heavy on action and makes Abe Lincoln seem superhuman. So heavy on action that it overshadows the horror, but it was pretty entertaining. This was my second viewing, and I still enjoyed it.