2024 Anaconda (Chinese)

• Director: Xiang Qiuliang and Xiang Hesheng
• Stars: Terence Yin, Nita Xia, Paul Che, Jiu Kong, Ken Lok, Wang Xing Chen, Wang Gang, Wang Zi Run, Xu Shao Hang, and Wu Hao
• Runtime: 1 Hour, 24 Minutes
• YouTube Trailer Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xltHLNlrLw
  

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This is a Chinese reboot of the 1997 original movie, not a sequel. There are similarities to the original, and quite a few differences too. A group of circus folks traveling the river run into deadly hijinks with bad people and badder snakes. So many snakes, of normal size and giant size. It moves well with entertainment, and the action is good. We’d say it was just about as good, if not somewhat better than, the US original.

Spoilery Synopsis

The four men in the boat talk about the Red Anaconda, the worst kind, and that the place they are going to is cursed. Right away, there’s some treachery, as one guy stabs another in the neck and then cuts his head off– which is promptly eaten. They’re here to poach poisonous snakes, and they soon have sackfuls.

As one man carries a sack to the boat, he’s eaten whole by a giant anaconda. It then gets the third man, only leaving the nasty leader alive. He recognizes the crimson anaconda and smiles evilly. Credits roll.

We cut to a very weird variety show. During a water-escape act, everyone notices a big snake above the tank. It falls in, and the audience freaks out. Turns out, that’s part of the show. The audience doesn’t appreciate the show, and they demand a refund. Mr. Jin comes in and buys the whole thing; he wants to take them all to Thailand. Lan doesn’t want to go and quits the act. She changes her mind and decides to come, along with her snake, Jimmy. They set sail.

Right away, one of the men on the boat gets snakebitten, but it’s not a poisonous variety. There’s a zombie jump scare, but it’s just a new act that one of the guys is developing for the circus.

The boat stops. The captain shows them a huge pile of garbage and debris that’s blocking the river. The boss doesn’t want to take a detour (as he’s got something sketchy planned), so they decide to blow up the stuff blocking the river. The debris is jam-packed with snakes, and it’s soon raining reptiles all over the boat. There are a lot of snakes.

There’s an accident, and a man falls overboard. He runs into Jeff, the snake-poacher guy we saw in the opening sequence. He joins them aboard the ship. Jeff helps when one of the men gets a snake stuck in his ear. Lan knows snakes, and she says the man was bitten by a poisonous snake and didn’t flinch. How many bites does it take to grow immunity? There’s something about Jeff that she doesn’t like.

That night, the captain goes overboard and disappears. In the morning, we see that Jeff is using the captain as bait for a really big snake. The birds all fly away. “Something big is coming,” Jeff warns. He briefly hooks the big snake, but it gets away. Still, everyone sees it. The snake grabs Jeff and drags him all over the river, but he manages to get away from it. The snake does eventually vomit up what’s left of the captain.

The snake comes up onto the boat, and everyone hides from it as it prowls. The snake is very fast and very mean. Some fuel is spilled in the panic, and there’s a fire and explosion. The boat burns, and everyone is stuck in the jungle. Jeff says he can lead them out. No one trusts him, but they don’t have much choice. A-Li has been bitten by something and has 48 hours to get treatment, or she’ll die.

The group camps in a cave, and there’s more drama with that. The little boy is attacked and rescued, Jeff eats a raw snake, and the girls bond over chocolate. Jin confides to Jeff that the others are his product; he’s selling them for organ transplants when they get to the destination. One of the two cousins is dripped on by the snake and gets some variety of hydrophobia, but he’s eaten before that’s too much of a problem. The other cousin gets it in the morning.

They soon arrive at Jeff’s boat, but he wants their help in catching the snake. Jin backs Jeff in the argument. The ones who won’t cooperate are tied up for use as bait. There’s a struggle, and the snake finally gets Jeff. Ali is wounded in the fight and dies as well.

The three remaining characters climb into Jeff’s boat, but it turns out that Jeff’s still not dead. Once again, the three are tied up as bait for the Crimson Anaconda. A whole group of anacondas shows up, but they’re soon run off by the biggest of all. Jeff’s got a net trap set up, but it doesn’t work as well as he’d hoped. As it swallows him, the other three get out from the ropes and hide.

The three are about to die when, out of nowhere, snake Jimmy jumps down as a distraction as Chinese-Hodor jams a log down the snake’s throat. The snake also loses an eye. This enrages the snake enough that it charges right into one of the traps Jeff set for it and is beheaded.

As the trio sails away in Jeff’s repaired boat, the headless snake rises up and sticks out a tongue.

Brian’s Commentary

Being a much newer film, the CGI snakes are the best we’ve seen in the series. Yes, this is a “real” film in the series, as the Chinese company bought the rights to the series to make this. I never did catch most of the characters’ names, but they’re all distinctive enough that everyone is easily distinguishable from one another.

It’s nicely paced, looks fantastic, has a lot of humor, and works well overall.

Kevin’s Commentary

This one is a remake, not a sequel. I went in expecting the worst, and I was pleasantly surprised.

Like Brian, I immediately noticed how much better the CGI was in this one vs. the US original and sequels. In addition to the CGI snakes, there are loads of practical effect snakes – this wouldn’t be a good one to watch if you have a phobia.

The boat captain is quite a character and looks like a caricature, and they are all at least a little quirky and interesting. The action scenes are very good.

I was very entertained and would recommend it.