- Directed by Kyle Mooney
- Written by Kyle Mooney, Evan Winter
- Stars Jaeden Martell, Rachel Zegler, Julian Dennison
- Run Time: 1 Hour, 31 Minutes
- Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P4f9gCTLhYs
Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone
Oh look, it’s “Cringe: The Movie.” We don’t remember 1999 being that cringe, but maybe it was for some. Anyway, this is an alternate timeline where the Y2K bug was not only not fixed, but the machines turn deadly and take over. While violating the laws of physics and generally not acting like computers really act. It was a little too heavy on parody, but it was okay.
Spoilery Synopsis
We open on AOL, a CD burner, RealPlayer, Bill Clinton, and flying toasters. Yep, it’s the 90s. Clinton talks about there being no great problems for Y2K due to all the work people have put in. Eli cuts on his iMac, and a CD pops out. Credits roll.
Eli’s parents talk to him about dating and kissing as he goes off to the New Year’s Eve party. He goes over to Danny’s house as Danny’s mother does Jazzercise. The two boys talk about the girls at schools. Eli likes Laura, who’s dating a community college student.
The two guys stop at a video story and look around. The guy working the counter is Garret, a weird stoner type, who lets them smoke pot in the back room. They find Laura at the convenience store, and they joke about the lack of flying cars. She mentions that she broke up with Jonas. Laura’s friends then rob the store. Eli and Danny decide to go to the party at Chris’s house– Laura will be there too.
They go to the party and all the stereotypes are represented, only in 90’s clothing. They put on Danny’s favorite song, and he makes a fool of himself right away– No, the whole group sings along. Danny is clearly way more popular than Eli is, and they argue about it.
Suddenly, the power goes crazy and the dishwasher goes berserk. “Y2K is real,” jokes some bozo in the crowd. Upstairs, they find a dead body, killed by a ceiling fan blade. As the crowd argues about what to do, a toy car with a laptop on board drives in. It sets one of the guests on fire in the most hilarious way possible. There’s a sudden mass stampede as ejecting videotapes, microwave ovens, and blenders kill people. All the technology in the house goes berserk.
Laura thinks it’s some kind of computer virus. Eli says she’s a “coding wiz,” which is unheard of for a girl. She wants to go to the old factory, there’s no technology there. Before they leave, the machine monster in the next room breaks through the door and kills Danny, much to our relief.
The group makes it out to the street and sees two jetliners crash in mid-air. It’s not just at Chris’s house. The murder robot follows them out of the house and down the street.
They stop at a local park, CJ and Ash, the two stoners, talk cringe to each other (they’d have been cringe in the 90s too). As they get a look at the town from up on the mountain, it’s looking pretty uninhabitable down there.
When they arrive at the factory, Garret, the video store guy, is already there with his own party. Jonas, Laura’s ex, is there as well.
The robot walks in, and it’s got Eli’s iMac for a head. Eli thinks Laura can hack it. It stands there looking confused as the humans argue about what to do with it. They tie it to a pole and try cutting off the modem. The computer explains the whole evil plan of the computers to replace humanity. Eli pours water into the thing’s head and shorts it out.
Eli and Laura have a quiet talking moment that feels awfully whiny. Eli leaves with CJ and Ash and Laura continues to work on the computer. They all soon encounter another robot, and Garret loses his head. The group all hides in a porta potty, and that gets messy fast.
The four head to the video store but find it trashed. Inside, they run into Fred Durst, who looks way older than he should. He talks about the deaths of his other bandmates and friends. Ash gives him a pep talk, and now, maybe he’ll help fight back.
Laura says she’s got a Trojan Horse on her flash drive that’ll shut down the whole network. The five go to the high school, which is the robots’ main base since that’s where they can get the fast DSL Internet. The people inside all have glowing eyes since they’re possessed by technology. CJ is killed by flying CDs.
To distract everyone, Eli gives a big “we’re all just human” speech to the assembled crowd. Fred then sings to the group, and the robots don’t like it. In the back room, Laura can’t get through the security system, so we get a 90s-style hacking montage, with 3D digital buildings and all.
Eli and Laura have to plug in the flash drive, but it shoots electricity at them, so Eli uses the old condom that Danny kept trying to get him to use. It’s a good insulator, and they get through, destroying the robots and the whole Internet. Suddenly, the robots all fall to pieces.
Outside, Eli and Laura kiss.
Five years later, Fred Durst is a senator. Eli, Laura, and Ash visit Danny’s grave. We see that Ash’s iPod is still infected, and it laughs evilly.
Brian’s Commentary
The year 2000 as a “retro” story? Egad. I am officially old. There are so many jokes about Enron, AOL, and other cringy, dated stuff. There’s a lot of it, and it’s maybe a little over the top. I was there in the 90s, it wasn’t this cringey, really. It’s all more comedic than horrific.
Where did the giant murder-robot come from in the first place? The wires and such were moving on their own; wires don’t do that.
The casting here is pretty weak. Jaeden Martell, as Eli, is way too wishy-washy to be an interesting leading character and looks like he’s about to cry in every scene. Julian Dennison, as Danny, is annoying in every scene, but that’s probably intentional, since all the characters are obnoxious in their own ways.
It’s a silly film that could have been great with a better cast and maybe just a little less parody.
Kevin’s Commentary
A computer virus is one thing, but wires and machines that move by themselves is too much of a stretch. Even turning off my brain wasn’t enough for this one. It wasn’t awful, but it was middling for me in pretty much every way.