2025 Heart Eyes

• Directed by Josh Ruben
• Written by Phillip Murphy, Christopher Landon, Michael Kennedy
• Stars Mason Gooding, Olivia Holt, Mason Gooding, Gigi Zumbado
• Run Time: 1 Hour, 37 Minutes
• Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1cRzZcMlJh8

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

This was way less serious than either of us expected. It’s got a serious body count and gore, but leans heavy into humor and romance too. Very much a mash up between a slasher horror and a rom-com. We found it entertaining.

Spoilery Synopsis

Patrick and Adeline are going to have the best Valentine’s day ever. He botches the proposal when she bites into the ring by accident. As they kiss, his phone interrupts. It’s Nico, the photographer, who’s messed up the “candid” photos. Someone kills Nico before he can try again. Then Patrick gets an arrow shot through his forehead. Adeline runs through the vineyard, and it’s nowhere near as romantic as it was a minute ago. As the killer closes in on her, a security guard tries to stop things, but he dies quickly. Adeline, on the other hand, learns what it’s like to ride through a giant wine press. We see the killer in his mask, which has hearts for eyes. Credits roll. 

The news calls him “HEK” the “Heart Eyes Killer.” He’s struck several times on the past few Valentine’s Days. 

We cut to Ally and Monica talking about the holiday. Ally is impressed to find she has exactly the same coffee order as Jay Simmonds, who is clearly on the path to be her new boyfriend until she accidentally gives him a bloody nose and runs away. 

Crystal Cane talks to the board; she didn’t realize there was a Valentine’s Day killer out there, so Ally’s ad campaign is just terribly timed. She’s made an ad of various lovers dying violently, which is not the look Crystal was going for. She calls in Ally’s replacement, which turns out to be Jay Simmonds. 

Detectives find a wedding band at the scene of the pre-credit murdered, and it says “J.S.” They know it was HEK, and there are going to be more deaths. 

Jay and Ally talk. Monica and Ally talk. Ally goes on a date with Jay, and the bouncer at the expensive French restaurant runs a metal detector over here. Ally goes on and on about how she’s the least romantic person ever. She really hates him, but kisses him when she spots Collin, her ex, who is out with a date of his own. We see through the killer’s mask as he watches all four people. 

Ally gets locked out of her building, so Jay smashes a window and cuts his hand. Suddenly the duo is attacked by HEK, who’s been hiding in her closet. The killer then chases them into a closed botanical garden, and they all play hide and seek. As soon as the police show up, the killer disappears. 

Jay is arrested as the HEK murderer. He’s not happy because Ally ditched him in the chase. They found the mask and the murder weapon. The ring they found earlier has his initials on it as well. Meanwhile, Ally tries to have Jay released since it couldn’t have been him. The detective points out that Jay was in the same towns as all the other HEK murders. 

Suddenly, the lights go out at the police station and the real killer strikes again. We see that his heart eyes light up, and he’s got night vision. Soon, they’re all outta cops. Ally finds a gun and shoots the killer about a hundred times, missing HEK with every single shot. Still, Ally and Jay get out of the police station and make their way to a busy drive-in theater. 

No one gives the masked killer a second look as he walks through the place stabbing people right and left. As they hide, Jay and Ally make up and bond a bit. 

When the killer resurfaces, Ally wants to work with Jay as a team to defeat HEK. They knock him over the head and impale him with a machete. He’s gotta be dead now. Then Ally pukes all over the killer’s body. They pull the killer’s mask off and see that it’s– no one that they recognize. 

After the police clean up everything, Jay gets a ride home with the surviving detective, and Ally’s left all alone. Monica calls and gives Ally a pep talk. Ally then rushes to the airport to catch Jay before he boards his flight out of town. 

Out of nowhere, Ally gets a call from HEK, and he’s got Jay as a hostage. She goes to the old building and finds both Jay and the killer there. The killer removes his mask, and it’s David, the IT guy from the police station. He’s working with, and married to, Detective Jeanine Shaw (with initials J.S.). Eli, the killer who died, was just an obsessed fanboy; these two have been alternating kills all along. 

The murderous duo want Ally to shoot Jay, and then they’ll let her go. She shoots right through Jay, wounding Shaw. David shoots as badly as Ally does, not hitting anything. Everyone fights, and Ally finally puts her metal straw to productive use as Jay finishes off David. 

One year later, Crystal Cane makes a toast to Jay and Ally, who have saved her business. Ally is going back to medical school, and she’s still with Jay. Afterward, they go on another date at the same drive-in, which is sorta symbolic for them. He pulls out a ring– no, it’s just a key to his apartment. Instead, she proposes to him. 

Midway through the closing credits, Ally gets a call from you-know-who. No, it’s just Monica playing a joke on them. 

Brian’s Commentary

The trailer made this look like a bog-standard slasher film, but it actually leans way over into parody and comedy. The characters, situations, and deaths are mostly all very over the top, and have all the usual tropes from both slasher movies and rom-coms. 

It doesn’t even have a stinger fake ending where the killer reappears before the credits. Well, it does, but not in the usual way. It’s not what we expected, and that’s the best thing I can say about this movie. I was entertained throughout. 

Kevin’s Commentary

I thought this was a lot of fun. It didn’t show me a lot that I hadn’t seen before, but it’s well made and well put together. The entertainment value was high, and I enjoyed it a lot.