- Directed by: Brendan Steere
- Written by: Brendan Steere
- Stars: Greg Cohan, George Schewnzer, Janice Young
- Run Time: 1 Hour, 15 Minutes
- Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JppwKpfOgyo
Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone
We’re just going to quote IMDB.com for the description because we can’t top that – “After losing his parents, a priest travels to China, where he inherits a mysterious ability that allows him to turn into a dinosaur. At first horrified by this new power, a hooker convinces him to use it to fight crime. And ninjas.” They make the most of a low budget, embracing the silliness and fun. It’s well put together – for what it is – and very entertaining.
Spoilery Synopsis
Pastor Doug Jones gives a sermon at church. He goes outside, where his parents are waiting for him, but suddenly, their car explodes (with completely missing special effects). “Your parents died, Doug, that’s what parents do,” consoles Father Stewart. Doug’s starting to question his faith, so he decides to do some traveling. Credits roll.
Doug goes to China. As he walks through the woods, a Chinese girl runs from a hunter who shoots her with an arrow. The dying woman hands Doug some kind of Claw. “Dragon Warrior” is all she says that we understand. Somehow, Doug gets cut by the claw and everything changes.
Back at Doug’s church, he’s now having nightmares. Stewart doesn’t think much about it. As he staggers outside, he passes Carol, a prostitute, getting yelled at by her pimp.
Night falls, and Doug looks at the full moon. He’s in a lot of pain, but then he roars and his eyes change. He’s in the same park when Carol is working, and kills the man who is robbing her. Except he’s not Doug anymore, he’s a vicious dinosaur.
Doug wakes up in the morning in bed with Carol. She says “Last night was amazing.” He thinks they had sex, but she clears that right up. He had no idea he turned into a dinosaur and ate someone. He doesn’t believe dinosaurs ever even really existed. All she has for him to wear is a skimpy little dress, but she takes him out to see the robber’s body.
He’s upset, but she says this could be a great thing. He could be like a religious superhero, killing all the bad. He runs off, in the mini-dress, to take confessions. The confessor is Carol’s pimp, and he’s not a nice guy. It’s quite a confession, and he admits to bombing Doug’s parents’ car. Doug starts twitching and changes right there in the confessional. The pimp doesn’t live long.
Doug goes back to Carol for advice on what she suggested earlier. He needs rules, but he says it felt good killing the murderer. We cut to an exercise montage as Doug toughens up. Doug-o-saur starts eating bad people, and Doug starts getting closer to Carol.
Meanwhile, a group of Chinese hunters are in town looking for the “Dragon Warrior.” This group also deals in drugs and laughs evilly. Father Stewart spots Doug and Carol together and doesn’t like it.
Doug and Stewart talk about Doug’s changes. Does God really want all these people dead? Doug thinks he does, and his parental-flashback proves it. Father Stewart takes Doug to Altair, a man who– flashback to the Vietnam War, where Stewart, Ali, and the squad talk about the future. We see that Stewart had a girlfriend and everything, but that didn’t work out so well. Anyway, Altair does a ritual for Doug, who gets all dino-y and pulls out Stewart’s eyeball.
Out in the woods, the ninjas catch up with Doug. We get a flashback from one of the ninjas. They close in on Doug, who makes short work of the ninjas.
Doug goes to Carol for help, which leads to a sex montage. In the morning, three more ninjas show up at Carol’s apartment, and they fight together.
The old Chinese master, Wei Chan, has taken Stewart prisoner. He explains that he smuggles drugs for God; the addicts will have nowhere to go but the church. When confronted, Stewart calls Wei Chan an infidel, but is then killed.
Doug knows where Wei Chan is, and he goes there to battle. We see that Wei Chan’s number two man is Sam, Doug’s completely ignored and forgotten brother. Carol beats up most of the ninjas while Doug and Sam go one-on-one.
Carol is hurt, but still manages to give Doug a pep talk before dying. Doug then turns into a dinosaur and tears up all the ninjas.
Suddenly, Wei Chan shoots the dinosaur with an arrow, and Doug turns human. Doug’s still got dinosaur hands, however, and he uses it to rip off the old man’s head.
Doug takes Carol to a surgeon who saves her. Doug quits the church and decides to travel the world fighting evil.
Brian’s Commentary
The special effects, when there are actual special effects, are probably the worst I’ve ever seen, which are hilarious in themselves. The whole thing is clearly intentionally goofy, from the concept right down to the acting and dialogue. The story itself is straightforward and easy to follow, and, although silly, makes perfect sense.
It’s stupidly good.
Kevin’s Commentary
When we saw the car explosion effect, I knew we were in for something special, and I was right. I kept waiting to see what silliness would appear to us next. That beheading scene near the end though, was really hilarious. It’s not a classic of cinema, but it’s a lot of fun, and I really enjoyed it.