2026 The Bride!

• Directed by: Maggie Gyllenhaal
• Written by: Maggie Gyllenhaal
• Stars: Jessie Buckley, Christian Bale, Peter Sarsgaard, Annette Bening, Jake Gyllenhaal, Penélope Cruz
• Run Time: 126 minutes
• Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w05hm7xpLYE
  

Spoiler-Free Judgment Zone

In the 1930s, the Creature asks Dr. Euphronious to make him a Bride. It works, but they don’t realize she’s a murdered woman which causes complications when elements from her past life cross over. Plus she’s a radical and feminist getting things fired up. It’s sort of Bonnie and Clyde meets horror meets weird romance. There’s a lot of humor and strangeness and it’s entertaining, after a few minutes at the beginning that was a questionable start. We both liked it much more than disliked it.

Spoilery Synopsis

Mary Shelley comes onscreen and tells us that she didn’t write what she really wanted to; that was too much for the time. Now, she’s in Purgatory or something and wants to get the story out of her head.

The story begins with Ida, who is bored at a party. She seems to be possessed by Mary Shelly, who is using her to tell the story. She makes a major scene at the restaurant and gets thrown out. She then falls down the stairs and dies. Credits roll.

In Chicago, Frank, aka Frankenstein, comes to see Dr. Euphronious, who knows who he is. She examines him and is thrilled. He doesn’t want any kind of treatment at the institute, he’s here for “an intercourse.” Yes, he wants her to “reinvigorate” him a bride. He’s become very impatient over the many years since he was created.

“I thought you were a mad scientist,” he says, which wins her over. Soon, they’re out digging up graves. Frank thinks the body they picked is too beautiful, but they can’t dig up more, so they go ahead. They throw the switch, sparks fly, and all the meters go off the scale.

The Bride sits up and thinks she had too much absinthe last night; she’s weird. They explain that she’s to marry Frank, but surprisingly, the bride doesn’t remember him at all.

Suddenly, Mary Shelley butts in and talks to the bride in her mind. Not long after, the bride and Frank break out of the lab, go to a movie and the red light district. She knows all the dance moves, but Frank’s not a dancer– but he does have an imagination. She dances most of the night, but eventually, her dance partners get carried away and Frank has to step in, violently.

Soon, the pair are on the run from the gangsters about the two men Frank just killed. He says he’s been through all this before, and there’s gonna be a mob. He doesn’t want the bride mixed up in all this, but she’s got nowhere else to go.

A couple of detectives, Wiles and Malloy, start investigating the murder, whose suspect looks like Frankenstein’s monster. Soon, “Frankenstein and his bride” are the headlines in the newspaper.

She wants the two of them to have sex, but he’s missing an important piece of the necessary equipment. They arrive in New York City, hoping to see Frank’s favorite movie star, Ronnie Reed. They’re quickly recognized as “The Killer Monsters,” and start a riot, complete with angry villagers and torches.

Frank and his bride crash a party, grab some food, and manage to spot Ronnie Reed, who is one of the guests. They have a conversation that’s very confusing for poor Ronnie. This soon turns into a dance number with “Puttin on the Ritz.”

The detectives storm in, and Wiles recognizes the bride. The bride recognizes Wiles. She grabs a gun and takes Ronnie as a hostage. She uses the opportunity to tell the police that the mob boss is paying off cops and killing women. She shoots a cop, and they escape.

They go on the run, and he gets her name tattooed on his chest. They have sex (I guess) repeatedly. Women all over the country start painting their faces like the bride’s face-marks. “Brain attack” is their new battlecry, causing mayhem everywhere as women revolt.

Lupino, the mob boss, recognizes the bride as Ida, a woman he had killed. Her killers swear they did the job, but he obviously knows they didn’t.

Detective Molloy realizes that the criminal pair has only been seen in films where Ronnie’s films took place. She wants credit if they solve this case, but he makes it clear that that’s not going to happen. She knows something is off about Wiles.

Frank makes up a whole story about his and the bride’s engagement. They get pulled over by an abusive cop, and Mary Shelley tells the bride to take care of him. She bites his tongue out but gets shot in the process, a minor wound.

Detective Wiles catches up to the monsters and calls the bride “Ida.” He says he got her into all this. Frank approaches him, and Moloy shoots him. Ida/The Bride then shoots Wiles in the foot and they run off. Wiles explains his connection to Ida to Molloy, but the hitman overhears the whole story. He’s a crooked cop, but he’s not all bad. He resigns and gives Molloy his badge.

Frank feels bad about lying to Ida about her past, and he also comes clean about their history. Molloy loiters outside the car and overhears his story. “I am a monster.” “Yeah, so am I.” They profess their love for each other, and he proposes to her. She refuses, which he finds hilarious. Then the police show up and kill Frank. The bride throws him in the car, and they have a high-speed chase with the cops.

The Bride and Mary talk about her identity. She drives them back to Dr. Euphonius, to patch Frank up. Both Molloy and the hitman follow them to the lab. There’s an over-the-top firefight, and the bridge shot umpteen times. She falls onto Frank’s corpse and dies.

Molloy takes charge and clears the cops out. Dr. Euphronius gets back to work; she can fix them.

Brian’s Commentary

For the first ten minutes, I was already mostly expecting this to be the first of over two thousand-plus movies that we didn’t finish. It did pick up fairly quickly though, and we did finish it.

It’s a remake of “Bride of Frankenstein” (1935), obviously. Mary Shelley makes an appearance in that film as a narrator, but that’s totally unnecessary and distracting here.

“Puttin on the Ritz” may have been a little too on-the-point, as I saw it coming an hour before it happened. Overall, though, the soundtrack is very good here.

It looks great, it’s very stylish, and it doesn’t get boring. It seems to go “weird for the sake of weird” several times, which you may or may not appreciate. There are some good laugh-out-loud parts, but it’s not a comedy. Christian Bale, as Frank, is outstanding here, but I did not care for Jessie Buckley’s The Bride, at all. I warmed up to her a bit before the end, but I think they could have done better with casting.

Overall, I’d say it was quite good, but I had some issues.

Kevin’s Commentary

After a start that had me grimacing in displeasure, it gets past that and into a really entertaining movie. It took a while, but I warmed up to Jessie Buckley at The Bride.

It’s not a perfect movie, but I liked it quite a bit.